Pompeii

It wasn't the greatest of movies nor was it the worst. To be perfectly honest the film barely made an impression on me; the plot line seemed somewhat confused not to mention unbelievable (I mean who really can hope to out run a volcano). Although I must admit that the action packed fight scenes and some occasional shots of perfectly sculptured pectorals definitely compensated for the obvious flaws.

                       

If you remove the twenty or so minutes of actual fighting within the film, what you’re left with is about a hundred minutes of what could essential be a fairytale. Though the entire thing was littered with improbable scenarios, I found that there were three scenes so ludicrous that I could not help but laugh.

These scenes are in no particular order whatsoever.

Scene 1) The hero (Milo) is chained and must fight a legion of trained gladiators along with his newly acquired accomplice (Atticus- AKA the big black guy who dies because unless its Django, the black guy always dies). Despite the fact that the two are restricted in their movements, they still successfully defeat the multitudes of trained gladiators. Like what the actual fudge! Not only would they have got their arse beat in a more realistic setting, they would not even have managed to kill one man let alone the whole lot of them. Obviously in true Hollywood fashion each trained killer respectfully waited for their turn to be killed cause no one ever fights dirty!

Scene 2) it’s not only men that respect Milo enough to wait before killing him, the volcano (possibly the antagonist in this particular case) really does possess some commendable manners. In the times when a serious discussion is taking place She (cause the volcano is obviously a pissed off woman) would politely quieten down and stop erupting cause you know, that’s just how volcanoes roll -.-

Scene 3) The one thing above all else that really annoyed me though was the one omissions they made through the entire movie and I mean absolutely no-one died from toxic gas inhalation. Like seriously though, there’s a big volcano spewing toxic gas and not one person dies from it. NOT EVEN ONE?

Pretty mediocre film I must say, I think my little sister and her imaginary friends could probably have thought of something more believable but oh well. The abs were most definitely worth it.

The Lego movie

Yesterday began as just another mundane weekend; the cumulation of half-term late nights and early mornings were beginning to take their toll and I wanted nothing more than to have a relaxing lay-in, but the kids were having none of it."Please can we go to the cinema? Please!" Their pitiful wails had the desired effect and I somewhat reluctantly dragged my fatigued frame out of bed and into the shower.

The LEGO movie was the film of choice (despite my profuse protest), and so like any good big sister should, I resigned myself to a tedious 100 minutes of onscreen stupidity. Boy was I wrong!

We had arrived five minutes late for the 3D showing of the film but knowing how the first 30 minutes of any movie is predominantly filled with advertisements, I was relatively unconcerned; it was only when I attempted to purchase the tickets (only to be informed that they were sold out) that I realised how misguided  my initial assumptions may have been.

The fresh faced witty humour of the characters was refreshing and led to shrieks of amusement from the prepubescent’s that filled the cinema and the belly laughed guffaws of parents alike. Unlike many children's films to date, the film featured none of the thinly veiled innuendos and stereotypes (commonplace in Disney films). Deviating from the norm, the 'hero' of the story (subject to personal opinion) was unaware and unprepared to fulfil his role and in actual fact, one of the main lessons to be derived from the film is that anyone has the ability to be someone special as long as they believe in their own ability to do so. Instead of portraying heroism as something designed for the 'elite' and privileged few who have been 'destined' for greatness since birth, the recurring theme within the movie is that anyone can be a hero.

Dramatic irony is utilised heavily throughout the film as almost from the beginning one is made aware that the hero is really just an average guy and not the much anticipated 'master builder' even the prophecy predicting the rise of this 'saviour' is laced with sarcasm and is clearly a poorly constructed hoax and yet it gives the people the hope they need to survive. The synopsis states: the computer animated story follows Emmet, an ordinary, rules-following, perfectly average LEGO mini figure who is mistakenly identified as the most extraordinary person and the key to saving the world. He is drafted into a fellowship of strangers on an epic quest to stop an evil tyrant, a journey for which Emmet is hopelessly and hilariously under prepared. However, there is much more to the story than just that. In truth, the story has so many twists and turns that by the time the end credits roll you're not really sure who the true hero of the story is. And that is what is so ingenious about the film.

The Lego movie may not seem like your cup of tea and perhaps you have instantly disregarded it as suitable for children alone, but I urge you to watch this film at your earliest convenience and see if you too do not become enraptured by this world of LEGO mini figures; and if the end credits appear before you have even uttered a squeak of delighted laughter, then I apologise for the misery that must be your life. Because if the LEGO movie doesn't make you chuckle at least once in the hundred minutes of on screen time then I cannot say I know what will. 

The curse of old age

 

The illusion is one of happiness and joy as one reaches maturity. Hollywood has romanticised the inevitable outcome to every generation, and depicted a maturity where one relaxes alongside their beloved partner, and eventually together, they will peacefully fade out of existence. The reality disturbingly contradicts this popular notion.

The uncontrolled defecation, urination, hair loss, joint pain suffered by most is less than enjoyable and of course there is the constant trauma of becoming a burden onto your family. According to John Bingham, “more than one million families have been forced to sell their home in just five years to meet the cost of paying for residential care” and if you’re unfortunate enough to be sent to a care home of less than the highest quality then you’re likely to be subject to abuse and mistreatment from workers who view the elderly as nothing other than invalids. The likelihood of escaping from such an institute is slim to none; your family (in the same way a petulant child might be ignored) will dismiss claims of mistreatment as nothing more than a decrepit cry for attention.  No place is safe, the acclaimed Orchid view home which costs an outstanding £3,000 a month and is rated as “good” was found guilty of mistreatment and abuse of its residents. “A five-week inquest heard that residents were routinely given overdoses of medication, and were left soiled and in pain during two years of terrible mismanagement and staff shortages.”

In recent years, there has been a shocking rise in the number of reported cases of care home abuse, “HSCIC figures showed that the number of cases referred for investigation by councils in England rose from 108,000 in 2011/2012, to 112,000 in 2012/2013.” The concern is that there may still be a wide number of cases that are still not being reported because people fear the repercussions of being dubbed a ‘snitch’. Charities such as age concern UK are working alongside British city councils in the hope of rectifying this neglect.

Old age will eventually come upon even the best of us, and if the social workers employed to take of us cannot seemingly do so, then there is need for concern. “Abuse is unacceptable and we need a zero-tolerance approach to any abuse, whether through neglect, financial manipulation or physical or mental cruelty” especially if the abuse if to one of the elderly who can no longer protect themselves and are dependent on the generosity of those around them. The Hollywood reality should not be taken as fact; the elderly among us are some of the most vulnerable.

 

 

American Hustle

American Hustle is one of those films one must watch with a notebook and a pen, stopping every so often to make notes and analyse the deeper meaning behind the onscreen activities. It is not the carefree, entertainment piece one ought to view on their one weekend out and it is most definitely not something you should watch in a cinema. Unfortunately for me, I did both of the above.

At some point during the disorientating jumble of onscreen activities my companion turned and thus conceded that this perhaps had been the wrong film selection. My response? It looks like it was written by a schizophrenic. The pure torture of remaining in my seat, resisting the urge to talk as a courtesy to others in the cinema was a worse affliction than gaseous flatulence when in the company of an attractive member of the opposite sex. The sense of blissful euphoria shrouding my person as I strode as fast as I could out of the cinema, dissatisfied and annoyed at such a pitiful lack of effort was astounding; I genuinely considered requesting a refund.

The movie itself definitely has the potential makings of a blockbuster chart topper, however the lack of engagement from the characters and a storyline that is sluggishly prolonged so as to consume as much of your precious time as possible, meant that I could not honestly enjoy the movie experience. 

Perhaps (based on the number of awards it has received and is expected to receive) the movie is a textbook perfect example of great cinematography maybe this is what one is taught in "film school" should such a thing exist. Whatever the case maybe, this tedious motion picture had me continuously reaching for my phone as I sought an escape from the prosaic work of David O.Russell . The worst thing was, up until the rolling credits, I still expected some show of genius; some unexpected twist that would leave me gagging for more, instead, all I got was the commonplace feature happy ending of disney films, where by the protagonist resolves everything, and with no explanation turns a bad situation into something "hunky-dory" while whoever happens to be the villain of the piece receives their just desserts. I would rather have saved myself £20 and stayed home to observe the grass outside my front porch grow an inch or two.I shan't lie, it was an epically shit film.